DRAFT: This module has unpublished changes.

Communication

 

Reflection on the Skills Learned

I have always felt that I was a decent if not fairly good communicator.  I had been on staff at a outdoor school where we met over a thousand people a year, and not only had to learn their names, but also observe and get to know them so that we could evaluate them for the schools that sent them out to us as part of their curriculum. I was also one of four leaders of a school in Kansas that regularly had to get up and speak in front of the whole student body and faculty. In the last ten years I have been to foreign countries where I have done missions work and have had to communicate to those of different languages. All this and having to teach and instruct a church congregation weekly for over twelve years, have led me to being comfortable communicating to others.

 

One thing I wasn’t ready for was the Interpersonal Communication class. I thought it would be a breeze and that is why I registered for it instead of the other choices. Boy, was I wrong! I had to push myself and dig deep to get through the semester. I brought me to places which I thought I knew well and basically showed me that I had stagnated and actually fallen off from things I had learned years ago. I found I would take the easy road with people instead of really getting to know them. This class showed me the importance of communication in all areas of life.

 

I have chosen a couple of papers that I wrote for the class that show the type of work that we had to accomplish or this class. The first is a paper on Nonverbal Communication. It had to be written about someone we spent time with over the time involved. We were to observe there interaction with others around them and watch their “nonverbal communication.” The second paper is my Final Paper which I chose to write on “The Art of Listening.” I choose this because it is something that I notice that most people don’t consider in their conversations as they are always willing and waiting to speak instead. 

 

Interpersonal Communication

 

Nonverbal Observation Paper

Due: February 25, 2010

Our assignment was to observe an individual over an extended period of time and notice the nonverbal messages they gave off as we observed them. My subject was the youngest of the three of my sons, since he is the one in which I have spent the most prolonged period of time. His name is Sam and he is 16 years old. Being the youngest and smallest of my children he is chock-full of nonverbal messages as he tries to make his place in the household and life.

 

Some of the behaviors that I observed during this period were attributed to his trying to make a place in the home. As we would sit and watch the television at night he would try to steal my chair (which is the best seat in the house) by quietly slipping over into it as I got up and requiring me to try to remove him from it. While on the floor in front of the wood burning stove he and our good sized dog constantly battle for position to be nearest the heat. At times the animal would plop his butt down on Sam’s chest and wait for Sam to throw him off. If Sam wanted to sit where the dog was and the creature refused to move, he would sit and drape his feet over the dog until the creature had enough of the irritation and moved.

 

Should one of Sam’s older, much larger college age brothers be by the fire, Sam immediately would begin to paw at them and try to move them out of their place which would lead to tussles of tremendous magnitude. His older brothers refer to Sam as the “gnat” because when they are in the same room he picks at them and bumps them into some type of confrontation. The pack mentality at its finest, where the pecking order is constantly being challenged, not with verbal thrusts or parrying but with gestures and body movements trying to show ones one self-confidence.

 

In talking with Sam, one finds he doesn’t like to look anyone in the eye for any length of time. Most of the time he will give a quick glance my way and then look over my left shoulder as if he is talking to a “person” standing behind me. When that happens, I move to the left to try to get into his field of view. When I ask him who he is talking to he laughs and looks away. Even as he comes in to say goodnight, he lowers his head and buries it into my shoulder for me to give a good rub. He doesn’t like to look directly at me, or his mom.

 

A very recent example is that when Sam got home from High School today, he went right over to the kitchen table and went behind his brother and put him in a headlock without saying a word. In the process he pulled back on him so hard they broke the back of the chair. Of course <to read more click on the file> NonverbalPaper.docx

 

Final Project Paper - The Art of Listening

Unless we have a hearing disability, there is a continuous bombardment of sounds that come through the two canals on the sides of our head, the ears. These sounds are then filtered and translated by our brains so we are then able to understand and act upon what we have just heard. The question is; “Are we really listening to what these sounds mean?” What about that person talking to us from across the table? Are we hearing what they are saying to us, or are we thinking about how we are going to respond? Too often we are so involved in our own internal conversation that we neglect to even hear what the other person is trying to communicate to us. How many times have we had to stop and ask the person to repeat themselves, only because we got lost in the world of our own minds? Today’s societal ‘evolution’ doesn’t help us in this matter either.

We are continually inundated with news, sports, weather, music and talk to the point that we really don’t hear anything at all.  For the most part we as individuals don’t even know what ‘we’ are thinking at any given moment.

 

Over the next few pages you will see is that listening itself is an art form that takes much practice and hard work to become adept at. You will be shown why listening is so vital in our lives to help build and maintain meaningful relationships and enable them to soar to new heights. We will also see those consequences in those same relationships that come from us not listening. How we can become judgmental or defensive if we do not hear what is being said by others around us. Think about how many times we’ve heard, “You’re not listening to me!” We need to work at this task of listening with due diligence, and we will find that when we put forth great effort we will see great benefits in ALL of our relationships. Finally, you will be shown some keys to help you to listen better so you too can become one of those people that others will confide in and trust you with their whole heart... <to read more click on the file> IC-ListeningFinalPaper.Rev2.pdf

DRAFT: This module has unpublished changes.